CCAC Family Management and Perenting2

Lesson: Two

Learning Outcome

By the end of this session, the student will be able to:

1. Realize and identify the meaning, adab, criterion, conditions and significance of marriage in Islam.

2. Identify the main objectives and the elements of Marriage contract of Islam.

3. Discover and use the steps and procedures of preparation for marriage.

4. Practice the requirements of a successful marriage.

Main Topics/Issues/ Points

1. Concept of marriage in Islam

2. Building a Family In Islam:

· Building up Qawamah quality.

· Criteria in choosing a spouse

· Dedicated parents.

· Islamic rules for al-Khitbah (courting) stage.

· The right of Mahr (dowry).

· Major Parts of Islamic marriage contract.

· Adab of marriage sermon (Zafaf).

3. Marriage & modern Family Issues

· Mix marriages.

· Illegal Marriages

· Failure marriages & deterioration of the family.

· Polygamy.

· ‘Uzubah (Bashelorship)/ Celibacy).

Discussions: Main Ideas

Marriage: The Blessed Bound

· Marriage or Nikah (intercourse) which is commonly used in Islamic texts refers to:

A legal agreement between man and woman through which both sides enjoy the rights and obligations as husband and wife.

· Although it varies in its forms and objectives, marriage is described by Revelation as one of Allah’s universal law in creation (Sunnat Allah).

· Allah says: “We have created everything in pairs that perhaps you may remember” [Q: dhariyat/49-51].

· Beside, marriage is the practice of the messengers of Allah and non of them known to be ascetic in regard of marriage. Allah says: “We have surely sent messengers before you (Muhammad) and granted them wives and offspring” [Q: Ra‘d/13: 38].

· As such, marriage in Islam is considered as a blessed bout which maintains the continuity of the society.

· Marriage is one of major religious and social duty through which Muslims seek to complete their religious commands.

· Marriage is "mithaqan Ghalidan" – a serious solemn covenant (agreement) that should be taken seriously.

Main objectives of Islamic Marriage

· To foster a state of tranquility (Sakinah), love (al- Mawaddah) and compassion among the couples.

· Establish a Family with high commitment to Islam.

· Provide a good and legal environment for little khalifas to be raised up and educated.

· To increase the population of Islamic Ummah.

· To protect individuals & society from sins and wrong relations.

· To introduce a model good husband, wife and children.

· Enhance inter-human relationship.

benefits of Marriage in Islam

Individual Level

• Protection of faith & religion.

• Protection of chastity.

• Enjoying love, mercy & security.

• Lawful fulfillment of the desires.

• Pleasurable way of increasing doing good deeds.

• Living a balanced & harmonious life.

• Legibility and deserving Allah’s help.

• Gaining a lasting relationship (extends to Akhirah).

Social Level

• Protecting and ensuring the continuity of human race.

• Making and keeping kinship ties.

• Protecting society from moral degeneration.

• Safeguarding society from moral and biological disease.

• Establishment a familial environment.

• Increasing the population of Muslim Ummah

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Al Qawamah Or Man’s Leadership in the Family

In Islam, man has been given the responsibility to lead the family. His leadership explained by his responsibility to carry out the concerns of his family in regards to financial, educational and other needs. Qawamah can be strengthened in Muslim males by observing the following:

· Iman & fear of Allah.

· Follow the example of Rasull Allah.

• Knowledge of religion & life affairs.

• Follow a rich schedule of ‘Ibadah.

• Involvement & participation in social life.

• Sharing duties with parents & relatives.

• Participating in serving your Muslim community.

• Acquire Islamic moral values (sabr, Taqwah, istiqamah, shukr, Ihsan, …)

Criteria in Choosing a wife

Religion /Faith/ righteousness:

• In Islam the object of marriage is not merely sexual enjoyment, but is also building of a healthy family with a higher religiosity and commitment to Islamic laws, morals and values.

• As such Islam emphasises on religious aspects of the both partners.

• In fact, a good Muslim/ah must chose a spouse that works to satisfy Allah in this life and Akhirah.

Financial Competence

• A Muslim man / a husband has to provide means of living to his wife and children.

• Hence, it is essential that he should have enough means beforehand to discharge this responsibility.

Compatibility

• Compatibility and similarity of ideas and ambition of the husband and wife is one of the most effective factors in establishing a successful marriage.

• With compatibility there is little chance that any serious differences will arise between them.

Virgin/ Bearer of children/ Loving

• These qualities are not conditions recommendations which may contribute to establish successful marriage and healthy family.

• The Prophet r said: “Marry virgins, because they have sweeter tongue, more fertile wombs, and more satisfied with a little of wealth” In the other Hadith, the Prophet r said “Marry a woman who is loving and can bear children for I will boast of your number on the day of resurrection”.

Beauty, wealth and prestige

· These can be seen as secondary and temporary motivations which may help partners to attract each other for the purpose of marriage.

· However, a good Muslim/ah should not relay in his/her perception of marriage and family on materially benefits which may come out these factors.

Parts of Marriage Contract

A- Conditions:

· Bridegroom’s & bride’s eligibility for that marriage.

· Bridegroom’s consent.

· Bride’s permission.

· The Wali (father/close relative/ Imam) presence or approval.

· The Presence of at least two witnesses.

B- Requirements:

· The dowry (Mahr).

C- Pillars:

• The offering (Ijab).

• The acceptance (Qabul).

D- Optional Elements:

• The Conditions (Shurut).

Cursed Marriages

• The Mut`ah Marriages.

• The Shigar Marriage.

• Marriage of Validation (Tahlil).

• Muhrim Marriage.

• The Marriage in the Iddah.

• The Marriage of Mushrikah (Unbeliever).l

• Marriage of Maharim.(Incest) (Close kinship).

• Marriage with no. Waliy (guardian).

Basic Conditions for a Successful Marriage

• Sincerity in worship.

• Good wife.

• Qawwam & patient husband.

• Considerable means to meet the needs of the family.

• Self-independence & seeking sustenance (Rizq) through of Halal means.

• Satisfaction (Rida) of the couple.

Marriage & Modern Family Issues

In today life marriage in Muslim World raises few issues due to internal changes of Muslim life and external influences of the predominant western life style. The recent statistics show that Muslim family in particular is facing challenging problems that needs an urgent remedy. Among these issues the following:

· Failure marriages & deterioration of the family

· The spread of ‘Uzubah tendency (Bachelorship).

· Regulation of Mix marriages.

· Illegal Marriages.

Selected Quotations

Evidences from Qur’Én

Marriage the soul of human life

· Allah say “O mankind! reverence your Guardian-Lord, who created you from a single person, created, of like nature, His mate, and from them twain scattered (like seeds) countless men and women;- reverence Allah, through whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (That bore you): for Allah ever watches over you” [Q: al-Nisa’: 1].

Marriage a mean for human life continuity

· And Allah has made for you spouses from yourselves (of your own nature), and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best: will they then believe in vain things, and be ungrateful for Allah’s favors” [Q: al-Nahl: 72].

Marriage a source of Ramah, Muwadah & Sakinnah

· Allah say: “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. [Q: Rom: 72]

Polygamy with Justice

Allah say: “Marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.

Evidences from Sunnah of The Prophet (r)

Islam urges Muslim to get married

· The Prophet Muhammad said: “Oh Group of Youth! That who are Able to Pay the dower, let him marry it is More lowering to the Sight, And More Protecting to the Character”

· The Prophet Muhammad said: “Whoever Allah has helped him with a righteous wife; He has Helped to establish half of his religion. So let him then fear Allah In the remaining half”

Marriage is a Practice of the Prophet

‘Aisha (R) reported that the Prophet said: ”Marriage in Sunnah (way) of mine; and whoever does not follow my Sunnah is not among my followers. Get married for I will display our outnumbering over other nations on the day of resurrection. Whoever has wealth should get married, and whoever, does not should fast because fasting is a restrain (of desires) for him” [reported by Ibn Majah/ proved to authentic by al-Albani (al Sahihah, No. 2383).]

Marriage Is a Serious Matter

· Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet Muhammad (r)has said: “In three matters, both sincere and unserious acts are considered serious; marriage, divorce, and returning (a wife who was divorced a non-terminal divorce”

Compatibility between Husband & Wife

The Prophet Muhammad (r) said: “Make a good choice for your sperm (off springs) marry those who are compatible, and get married them”. [Ibn Majah/ al Hakim/ al al Bani, Sahih al Jami‘: No. 2928].

Necessity of al Wali for Validation of Marriage

Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet Muhammad has said “A marriage contract is not valide without al Wali” []Abu Dawwud/ Tirmidhi/ verified to authentic by al Albani, rwa’ul Ghalil, No. 1839]

Conditions of Choosing the Spouse

Abu Hurayra (R) reported that the Prophet said: “A woman is sought in marriage for four reasons: wealth, social and kinship status, beauty, and Din (religion). So seek the one with Din (taribat yadak)- may you then be successful” [al Bukharik Kitab al Nikah: 4802/ Abud Dawwud: Kitab al Nikah: 2047]

Marriage brings Allah’s Support

Abu Hurayra (R) reported that the Prophet said “There are three individuals in which Allah confirm his support for them; a Mujahid (fighter for Allah’s cause), a Mukatib (slave who made a contract with his master to earn his freedon), and the one who seeks to preserve his/ her chastity through marriage” [Ahmed/ al Termidhi/ al Nisa’I, described as “Hasan” by al Albani, Sahihul al jami‘, No. 3050].

Translation of Selected Arabic Terms

· Aqd. (Contract) · ‘Idah · Khalifah. (Vicegerent) · Mahr. (Dower) · Mahram. (Guardianship) · Mut’ah.

· Muwaddah. ( Love) · Nikah. (Marriage) · Qawwamah. (Guardianship) · Sakinah. (Tranquility) · Shighar. · Uswah. (Role Model) · Zafaf (Wedding calibration)

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Questions for Comprehension

4. What do you understand by Islamic marriage?

5. What causes marriages to end by divorces in your local society?

6. What is successful marriage from Islamic perspective?

7. Are you for or against mix marriages? Why?

8. Religiosity of the spouse is the most significant element in Islamic marriage. Why?

9. What are the major steps to protect the marriage tie?

Selected Readings

· Hartford, Hedaya Initiating and upholding an Islamic marriage staring off on the right foot (Damascus (Syria : Dar al-Fikr, 2000).

· Maudoodi, Syed Abul Ala, (1903-1979) The Laws of marriage and divorce in Islam, translation: Fazl Ahmed (Safat, Kuwait : Islamic Book Publishers, 1983).

· Muhammad al Jibaly, the quest for love and mercy: regulations for marriage and wedding in Islam (Texas: al Kitan & Sunnah Publishing 2000).

CCAC Family Management and Perenting1

Lesson: ONE

Learning Outcome

By the end of this session, the student will be able to:

1) Identify the importance of family in one’s life and development;

2) Analyze the main conditions for a good parenting and education within the family;

3) Realize the need for parenting skills and family management in one’s life and development.

Main Topics/Issues/ Points

1) Family: importance and function in building a balanced personality.

2) Tarbiyah and Parenting

o Conducive environment

o Dedicated parents

o Systematic and gradual process

o Knowledge and virtue

o Between ideal and reality.

Discussions: Main Ideas

Meaning of Family

· Family is the basic unit that makes the social fabric of any community.

· In general terms family is made up of husband, wife, children and the close relatives.

· Family provides the necessary conditions and environment for the education of children and development of family members.

· Family is a network that links parents, children, relatives and others in a strong bond characterized the sense of responsibility and cooperation.

· A Special kind of structure whose principles are related to one another through blood ties and/or marital relationships, and whose relatedness is of such nature as to entail mutual expectations that are prescribed by religion, reinforced by law, and internalized by the individual. (Quoted in: Hammudah Abd al Ati, The Family Structure in Islam).

Meaning of Family Management

It is the processes, ways, approaches and activities undertaken by parents and family members to mange the family and guide its development from the very early stages of its construction. The management of the family includes, among others, the following aspects:

1- Marriage and communication in family 2- Family problems

3- Education and raising up of children 4- Religious education enhancement

5- Health and life style enhancement 6- Financial and material matters

7- Family relations and networks 8- Family roles and functions in society

9- Protection of family members from all sorts of harms.

Meaning of Parenting

The various skills, techniques, values, principles and ways followed by parents to ensure, among others:

1- Proper planning of the family’s objectives and resources;

2- Proper relations among the family members and the outside world;

3- Proper raising up of children;

4- Effective communication in family;

5- Dynamic and positive environment for spiritual, intellectual; psychological, emotional, moral, ethical, behavioural, physical, social and cultural development of parents and children as well;

Efficient solving of children’s problems and discipline and

6- Proper integration, socialization and participation in self and community development.

7- Just and fair practice and protection of rights and duties of each and every family member.

Roles and Functions of Family

The family is responsible, among others, for:

1. Shaping well-round and holistic personality. The following aspects of personality are essential:

1- Religious and worldview 2- Spiritual.

3- Psychological and emotional 4- Intellectual and cognitive.

5- Moral and ethical 6- Character and behavioral.

7- Cultural and aesthetical 8- Social and civilizational.

9- Physical 10- Material.

2. Establishing and enhancing the proper environment for education, integration and socialization.

3. Encouraging stability, security, tranquility, love, mutual understanding, and sense of responsibility among the family members.

4. Protecting the family members and preserving them from all sorts of religious, moral, ethical and behavioural deviations.

5. Family contribution to society and Ummah.

6. Supervising children activities and monitoring the processes of integrating children into the community and assisting them to play their role.

7. Providing the emotional and psychological support to the children so as to allow the balanced process of personality nurturing to take place.

8. Providing the necessary means and resources for the members to ensure the satisfaction of their needs and requirement in each and every stage of their development.

9. Disseminating the values of tolerance, Ihasan, kindness, trustworthiness, respect, justice, equality, cooperation …etc within the parameters of the family and without.

Importance of Family Management and Parenting

Family management and parenting help us to enhance:

Responsibility	Skill/ability	Process	Vision	Mission
Assist us to understand and learn our responsibility with regard to ourselves and our children and family members.	Provide us with the skills and abilities that we need for the building of a family, raising up of children and improving our efficiency in handling family issue.	Help us understand family relations and activities through gradual and step by step approach.	Empowers us with a vision as parents, children and family builders. It creates in us the sense of vision and empowers us through enhancing the meaning of a parent and family.	Instills in us the sense of mission and reflect the crucial role of family in our life as well as the urgency of carrying out our mission and tasks of parenting.

Education	Collective effort	Values and Moralities	Style of life	Conflict management and creativity
Show the essential role of educating the children and building their wholesome personality.	Provides an example of collective efforts and cooperation for the betterment of the self, children and family.	Reflects the importance of values ethics and moralities in personality building and raising up of children	Encourages us to improve our style of life and posses the dynamic an positive approach to life and family.	Provide us with ways on how to handle conflicts and problems in family as well as how to become creative parents, children and family members.

Selected Quotations

Evidences from Qur’Én

· O mankind! reverence your Guardian-Lord, who created you from a single person, created, of like nature, His mate, and from them twain scattered (like seeds) countless men and women;- reverence Allah, through whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (That bore you): for Allah ever watches over you. (Q: 4: 1).

· Help ye one another in righteousness and piety, but help ye not one another in sin and rancour: fear Allah. for Allah is strict in punishment (Q: 5: 2).

· Permitted to you, on the night of the fasts, is the approach to your wives. They are your garments and ye are their garments. Allah knoweth what ye used to do secretly among yourselves; but He turned to you and forgave you; so now associate with them, and seek what Allah. (Q: 2: 187).

· And Allah has made for you mates (and companions) of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best: will they then believe in vain things, and be ungrateful for Allah’s favours?-. (Q: 16: 72).

· And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. (Q: 30: 21).

· And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous."(Q: 25: 74).

· O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may Take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.(Q: 4: 19).

Evidences from the Sunnah of the Prophet (P.B.U.H)

· The best of you are those who are best to his family, and I am the best of you towards my family. (AÎ-ØaÍÊah, no. 285).

· The believers who are most complete in faith are those of best manners; and the best among them are those who are best in treatment to their women. (AÎ-ØaÍÊah, no. 284).

· Indeed, Allah commands you to be good to the women; indeed, they are your mothers, daughters, and maternal aunts.

Translation of Selected Arabic Terms

Comprehension Questions

1) What do you understand by Family management and parenting?

2) Why is family management and parenting important?

3) Identify the roles and functions of Family in one’s life.

4) What are the main aspects of a wholesome personality?

5) Do you think that learning family management and parenting skills considered as some thing important in one’s life?

Selected Readings

Darlene Powell Hopson and Drek S. Hopson, Team-Spirited Parenting: 8 Essential Principles for Parenting Success (New York: John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 2001).

Muhammad Al-Jibali, the Quest for Love and Mercy in Islam (Beirut: Al-Kitaab and Suunah Publishing, 2000) Book 1, Book2, Book 4.

Hammudah Abd al Ati, The Family Structure in Islam (USA: American Trust Publications, 1995).