Lesson: Three
Learning Outcome
By the end of this session, the student will be able to:
1. Realize the important of marriage institution in Islam.
2. Identify the rights and responsibilities of husband and wife in Islam.
3. Analyze the main elements of rights and responsibilities during the marriage.
4. Understand and practice the requirements of a successful marriage.
Main Topics/Issues/ Points
A. Rights and Responsibilities of Spouses in Islam
1. Mutual rights and responsibilities.
1. Obedience to Allah
2. Live in tranquility of love, mercy and mutual co-operation and consultation
3. Upholding chastity, honor and sexual needs
4. Maintaining confidentiality
2. Rights and Responsibilities of Husband:
1. Dower
2. Maintenance
3. Islamic Education
4. Sexsual fulfillment
5. Good Treatment
-Duty of good care
-Exhibiting good manner
.Avoiding foul language oppressing the wife
-Gives protection
-Financial support
-Looking at the wife’s better side
-Entertaining the wife
-Never oppressing the wife
-Avoiding using violence
3. Rights and responsibility of wife.
1. Submission of husband's Authority
2. Absolute willingness to serve and cooperate
3. Fulfilling the Husband's Desire
4. Not to leave the house without the husband's permission
5. Housework
6. To be thank for his actions
7. Living with husband
8. Be a comfort for the husband
9. Preparing food for the husband
10. Be a mother to the husband
11. Be clean and beautiful at home
B. Rights of Children and Parents in Islam.
1. Rights of Children to Parents.
1. Obey parents
2. Support the maintenance
3. Show your ihsan
4. To supplicate and ask for their mercy and forgiveness
2. Rights of parents to Children.
1. Don’t abuse the children
2. No discrimination between male and female
3. The right to socialization and general care
4. Give education
Rights and Responsibilities of Spouses in Islam
Islam has given the correct principles and instruction regarding rights and obligations of husband and wife.
.Marriage in Islam is an important institution that has deep effects on society. Marriage is a bond containing rights and duties that each person, male or female, should preserve, protect and fulfill. Both the husband and wife, have certain rights and duties.
Allah said:And live with them honorably."[4:19].
Each of them must fulfill his or her duties for the marriage to succeed. Allah said:
"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them as regards to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them.) [2:228].
Women must fulfill their duties towards their husbands. Men must treat their wives fairly and fulfill their duties towards them, too. A happy marriage is assured if both the husband and the wife preserve each other’s rights. A marriage that does the opposite is a miserable one.
The Sunah of the Prophet is full of advice of what brings about a successful marriage. He (SAW) said:
"Treat women fairly. The woman was created from a bent rib. The most bent part of the rib is the top. If you want to straighten it, you will break it. If you left it, it will stay bent. So treat women fairly."
[Al- Bukhari & Muslim].
The husband and wife relationship starts off with the commitment from the party to conscientiously carry out the duties and responsibilities that have been outlined by Allah. A wife must always remember that her obligations are unto her husband disregarding any others. It is not permissible for a wife to hurt the feelings of her husband in any way. She is not to scorn him if he is dependent nor treat him with contempt if he is poor, but rather to comfort him in times of distress. A wife should not feign over her husband because of her beauty and wealth nor despising him if he is not handsome and poor.
In sum, the husband should play their responsibilities as well as the wife. Then, the wife should realize the husband rights and uphold the obligations upon the husband and vise versa. Hence, the specific rights and obligations of both parties exist side by side and serve to complement each other towards developing tranquility in the family.
Mutual Rights and Responsibilities
There are mutual obligation between husband and wife such as to obey Allah and His messenger, to live in tranquility with love, mercy, mutual cooperation consultation, to maintain their confidentiality of their marital relationship, to uphold their chastity, honor and sexual needs and so on so forth
Islam made every individual in the Islamic society responsible for those under his or her authority in such a way that no one, men or women, may evade responsibility.
n The Qur’an beautifully and clearly stresses human equality of men and women describing them as garments that fulfill and complete each other’s roles. In the Qur’an, Allah says:
هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَكُمْ وَأَنْتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَهُنَّ (187) البقرة.
n As a matter of fact, the laws of God ‘sunnatullah, have made everything in this world to be dependent upon something else to complete its function. The universe is created in the form of pairs.
n ومن كل شيء خلقنا زوجين اثنين
n Each one of the pairs is dependent and completes its mission by its other opposite pairs. Thus, there is no question of disgrace or honor in it.
n The main duty of husbands and wives is to continue their co-role as vicegerent of Allah on earth. In this manner, mutual understanding, love and mercy between husband and wife would enhance and widen their horizons and to live in peace and harmony emotionally and spiritually.
n In fact, the purpose of marriage is not merely for physical union but it should also be directed towards a higher purpose of worshipping Allah Ta’ala in bringing up physically, psychologically and spiritually healthy children.
n They have been specifically reminded of their responsibilities in the following hadith of the Prophet:
“Each of you is a shepherd, and each is responsible for those under his care. A ruler is a shepherd; a man is the shepherd of his family; a woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and children. For each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for those under your care.”
- We are required to conduct our affairs according to what has been prescribe in the Quran & Sunnah.
- The conduct of a Muslim family is based on submission to Allah s.w.t. It means having Islam as the way of life. It should be special concern with the spiritual development.
قال تعالى: يأيها الذين آمنوا قو أنفسكم وأهلكم نارا
“o ye who believe! save yourself and your families from a fire.”
(al-tahrim:6)
It is the duty of both to remind each other to seek more knowledge and to practice Islam together.Allah says:
“help ye one another in righteousness and piety, but help ye not another in sin and rancor…”
(3:200)
Hadith:
“the recompense of one who directs somebody to do good deed will be equal to the reward of the latter”
(hadith reported by Muslim)
Rights of Husband (wife's obligations)
1.Submission to the Husband's Authority.
The woman should not reject or challenge husband authority. The wife should accept it in fulfillment of Allah's commands. They should view their submission to their husband's authority as a submission to Allah's degree. This submission should almost reach the degree of prostrating to their husband. Aishah, Abu Hurayrah, Muadz and Buraydah reported that Allah's messenger said:
"Were I to order a person to prostrate before another person, I would have ordered the women to prostrate before her husband
A woman's obedience to her husband is part of her obedience to Allah. Therefore, giving their husband rights is part of fulfilling Allah's rights. There is also another hadith reported by Abdullah Bin Abi Awfa reported that Allah's messenger said:
"Were I to command a person to prostrate to other than Allah, I would have commanded the woman to prostrate to her husband. By the One in whose hand is Muhammad's soul, a woman would not fulfill her husband's right even if he were to ask herself while she is riding on a camel, she should not refuse."
2.Absolute Willingness To Serve and Cooperate.
The wife should demonstrate her acceptance of her husband's authority by showing willingness to serve him to her best ability. Muadz bin Jabal reported that Allah's messenger said:
"If a woman knew her husband's right, she would not sit while he is eating his dinner or supper until he finishes eating."
3.Fulfilling the Husband's Physical Desire.
It is the obligation of the wife to respond whenever her husband calls her to come to bed unless there is a strong reason why she cannot. This point is clear from many hadith among them are:
"Whenever a man calls his wife for his desire, let her come to him even if she is occupied at the oven".At- Tirmidhi (Sahih)
The Prophet said:
"Whenever a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses his wife to come, the angels curse her until morning". Sahih Al-Bukhari.
The wife is not allowed to fast voluntary without her husband permission. The reason of this prohibition is that her voluntary fasting may interfere with her obligatory fulfillment of her husband desire. The wife should be ready and willing to fulfill her husband's desire at all time. Allah's messenger said that:
"A woman may not fast, while her husband is present, except with his permission, except for month of Ramadhan, and she may not admit anyone to his house, while he is present, except with his permission, and whatever she spends of his earning, without his permission, he will surely get half of the reward".[1]
4.The Wife May Not Leaves the House Without Her Husband Permisssion
The best place for a Muslim woman is in her house. When Allah addressed the wives of the Prophet and ordered them, and all of the Muslim women to remain primarily in their homes, he associated the desire of women to be "out" and to display them with the jahiliya (the age of foolishness):
{And stay in your homes and do not display yourselves like the ways of the time of ignorance. And establish the prayer, pay the zakat and obey Allah and His Messenger...} Al-Ahzaab: 33
5.Housework.
The duty of the wife to take care of housework such as cooking, cleaning and generally serving her husband in the house is an issue about which there are different opinions.
Definitely, this is and has always been the custom of the Muslims, all the way back to the Prophet and his Companions. It is part of the ihsan (good treatment) which should be exchanged between husband and wife.
Clearly, the safe way is the way of all of the female Companions of the Prophet who used to serve their husbands in this regard. If they had servants to help them, fine. If not, they used to handle the housework, cooking and cleaning. The Prophet himself, our best example in this regard, used to help his wives with these chores.
6.To Be Thanked for His Actions
Gratitude is one of the most important characteristics of a believer. A Muslim is grateful both to Allah for His infinite mercies and also to people who do well by him/her. The Prophet said:
"The most grateful people to Allah blessed and High are the most thankful of them to others."
Although it is an obligation of the husband to look after his wife, this does not mean that she should not be thankful to him for his kindness and his efforts in looking after her welfare and happiness. This is something fundamental which should exist between husband and wife. Each of them should acknowledge the efforts of the other show them gratitude and repay them in kindness. Allah said:
{Is the reward for good deeds extended anything other than good deeds (returned)} Ar-Rahman: 60
In another hadith, the Prophet (sas) warns wives in a similar manner:
"Allah does not look at a woman who does not thank her husband while she cannot do without him."
7.Living with Husband.
The task or obligation of the wife is to maintain take care of for husband. It is not an easy undertaking. Those woman who are unaware of this feature of their role, may find difficulty in fulfilling the task. It is a job for the woman who is aware that the job requires a degree of sagacity, style, and ingenuity. For a woman to be successful wife, she should win over her husband's heart and be a source of comfort to him, encourage him to do good deeds, provide adequate measures to maintain his health and well-being.
In Islam, taking care of one's husband has an important position. It has been equated to the role of jihad or holy war in the path of Allah. Imam Ali stated that:
'The Jihad of a woman is to take care of her husband well'
Hence, the prophet also mentioned that: "If a woman does not perform her duty as a spouse, she has not done her duty to Allah".
8.Be a comfort for the husband.
The burdens of life weigh heavily upon the shoulders of man since they are responsible for maintaining and supporting their families. In fulfilling this responsibility the man must confront many problems and obstacles outside of the home. Some of the problems may be the pressures of work, the hassles of traffic commuting from the office to home, concerns over the economical and political issues of the day, pressures of trying to improve the living conditions of his family and do on so Forth.
In order for the human being to be able to cope with the burdens of life it is necessary to have someone to listen to and sympathize to him. Therefore, the husband needs his wife to make him feel comfort
9.Preparing food for the husband.
Another important responsibility of the wife towards her husband is preparing food for him. A good housewife is also a good cook who can prepare delicious food with little money. The husband, whose wife cooks well, does not particularly enjoy eating out.
The Prophet stated that: "The best of your woman is one who perfumes herself, prepared food skillfully and would not over indulge in spending. Such a woman is one workforce of Allah and a person who works for Allah would never face either regret or defeat".
10.Be a mother to the husband.
Usually at the time preoccupation and illness, one needs to be nursed by the others. A nurse can assist the recovery of an ill person tremendously through kindness and loving care. The husband is the men of small children who have grown up. They still need motherly care. When a man gets married to the women, he expects her to be a mother to him at times of illness and difficulty.
Therefore, when the husband becomes sick or ill, the wife has to take care of her husband more than usual. Express sympathy and pretend the extremely upset with his sickness. Console him, prepare all his requirements and keeps the children quiet in order to keep him relaxed. If he needs doctor or medicine, then act accordingly. Cook the food which he likes, and which is good for him.
11.Be Clean and Beautiful at Home Also.
Actually the husband for sure would enjoy and feel happy having a tidy beautiful and clean wife, even though the husband may not express it. If the wife does not dress attractively at home, the husband may see beautiful and attractive women out of the house. Hence, the husband may compare his wife with the other beautiful women outside. Therefore, the wife must try to look attractive at home and be sure that the husband will not lose interest to her.
Rights of Wife and Husband's Obligations.
1. Dowry
Dowry is the right of every Muslim woman that will be giving at the time of marriage.
The husband has to pay the wife a dower, as it is the first financial right of woman upon her husband. This is the price of the marital rights he has on her wife.
You shall give the women their due dowries, equitably. If they willingly forfeit anything then you may accept it; it is rightfully yours. [4:4]
Dowry is a pre-requisite for a marriage, it is to be paid by husband to his wife, it should be equitable and the husband and wife cam mutually make any adjustment to the dowry
The amount of dowry varies according to his means and generosity, and his wife has the right to spend, save or remit any part of it.
The dowry should be something that has a monetary value such as jeweler, money, car, house and so on Allah had mentioned about an equitable dowry. In Islam, the equitable dowry is what one has to access for himself. It depends on case to case, the rich as he can and the poor as he can. Thus, the amount of dowry will vary according to the means of the husband.
The wife, however, may, of her own free will, grant him some time, or in view of his indigence, may remit a part of or the whole of the amount due to her. She may even give up her claim as a token of compassion. Al Quran had clarified this point by stated that:
But if they (wives) of themselves were pleased to give you a part of the dower, take it cheerfully. [4:4]
3.Maintenance
This right is established by authority of the Qur'an and the sunnah. It is inconsequential whether the wife is a Muslim, non-Muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role as "qawam" (leader) is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security and thus perform her role devotedly
“Let him who has abundance spend out of his abundance, and he whose provision is measured, let him spend of that which Allah has given him. Allah asks the naught of any soul save that which He has given it. Allah will vouchsafe after hardship, ease. [65:7]
. The prophet is reported to have said:
“The best Muslim is one who is the best husband”
A wife's rights also extend beyond material needs. She has the right to kind treatment. The Prophet (pbuh) said:
"The most perfect believers are the best in conduct. And the best of you are those who are best to their wives." God tells us He created mates and put love, mercy, and tranquility between them.
Maintenance entails the wife’s incontestable right to lodging, clothing, nourishing, and general care and well being. The wife’s residence must be adequate so as to provide her with the reasonable level of privacy, comfort, and independence. Foremost is the welfare of the wife and the stability of the marriage. What is true of the residence is true of clothing, food and general care. The wife has the right to be clothed, fed and cared for by the husband, in accordance with his means and her style of life. These rights are to be exercised without extravagance or miserliness .
The husband is therefore responsible for the maintenance of his wife, however rich she maybe. He should bear the responsibility of supplying her clothes to wear, food to eat and abode to reside. He should make liberal provisions for all the needs of his wife. He should never strict in expenses.
The Islamic Law obliges the husband to fulfill all the necessities of her wife as long as she remains his wedded wife.
The wife, however, loses her right of maintenance, according to the unanimous opinion of the Muslim jurists, in case of Nushuz, that is her hatred or defiance of husband or her attraction to another person[2].
3. Teach Islamic education to the wife
Islam encourages the husband to teach the wife in the aspect of Islamic education. It consist the education of Ahkam of fiqh such as the rulings on taharah (purity) and menstrual and post-partum bleeding, perform solah, zakah, siyaam (fasting) and hajj, if she is able to go; some of the rulings on food and drink, clothing and adornment, rulings on mahaarim (who is a mahram relative and who is not), rulings on singing and photography, and so on. These are the basic needs or educations, which are important to implement in the marriage and daily life. Without these educations the marriage is not in the Islamic way.
4. Sexual Intercourse Fulfillment
Sexual intercourse is the need of each spouse to his companion, in order to protect his vulva by fulfilling the lust of the natural copulation. For Muslims, sexual relations are confined to marriage between a wife and husband.
“Your wives are a tillage to you, so go in to your tillage as you will, and send (ahead something) for your souls; and fear Allah and know that you will (one day) meet Him, and give glad tidings to the Believers.”[2:223][3]
Sexual intercourse important in marriage institution because it keeping on human race by the reproduction. Marriage creates a new company of kith and kin, because sons and daughters go to create new families. Families create society and the progress of a family means the progress of the society. Therefore, it is compulsory for the two spouses to breed the progeny, give protection and education in his life in order to create a good generation of Islam. Rasulullah (peace be upon him) said:
“Marry each other and produce new of-spring so that your number will increase.”
5. Good Treatment
The other duty imposed by Islamic Law upon husband is that he should abstains from using his precedential rights in an unjust and cruel manner that is a good treatment, besides consideration and companionship.
- The Quran command Muslim husbands: “Leave with them (wives) in kindness even if you dislike them, perhaps you dislike something in which Allah has placed much good”.
- The prophet also said: “The best of you are those who are bet to his family and I am the best of you toward my family.
It is forbidden, for a man to hit his wife on her face. This is the worst humiliation. Besides, we have some very important organs in our heads. A strike on the face could cause blindness, deafness, a broken tooth or jaw or a bleeding nose. This is not permissible. While Islam has given a husband the right to discipline a disobedient wife, it has left only o very small room for hitting her as a last resort when all efforts to make her see reason have failed
- The best husband is one who provides his wife with true leadership without harshness, and who does not misuse his authority and strength. Even if the behavior of a wife should become hard to live with (for she may not always be in strong health and of cheery disposition), the man is asked to be patient and kind to her.
- -Duty of good care The prophet in his farewell pilgrimage said : “ take care of the women, for they are restrained under you..
- Exhibiting good manner
- The prophet said “the believers with the most complete iman are those with most refined manners. And he best among you are those who are best to their women.
- -Avoiding foul language
The prophet declared: Allah’s Messenger was not obscene, nor did he relish obscenity, nor he was loud in the market. He did not punish for any personal harm but forgive and pardoned
-Gives protection
Allah says in the Quran: Men are in charge (protector) of women…”
-Financial support
It is a bounden duty declared by the Prophet: They (wives) have a right on you, that your provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner.
-Looking at the wife’s better side.
The Prophet said: “Let not a believing man hate a believing women, if he dislikes a character in her, he would be pleased by other character in her”
-Entertaining the wife
The Prophet said: “everything that does not involve remembrance of Allah is futile, senseless and waste, except for four acts: the first being a man entertaining his wife
-Never oppressing the wife.
The Prophet sternly warned believers." Avoiding oppression because oppression will result in deep darkness on the Day of Resurrection”
-Avoid using violence.
The Prophet declared : “Do not hit Allah’s female slaves (women).”
Aishah also report : Never Allah’s Messenger wit with his hand a woman, a servant or any one else, except during jihad for Allah’s cause..”
Rights of children towards parents.
1. Obey parents
- Obey them whenever their order not fighting with syariah
2. Support the maintenance
- Give maintenance to parents
3. Show your ihsan
- Prohibition of treating parents badly in anyway
- Show respect to the parent
- 
Talk politely with them
- Give more attention to them when they in year of golden age
- Don’t be rude in front of them
- Advice to your children to respect the old people
- Give a call to parents
4. To supplicate and ask for their mercy and forgiveness
- Always ask the forgiveness and mercy from Allah to the parents
Rights of parents towards children.
1. Don’t abuse the children
- Children have the right to live
- Love and care
- Children are ‘amanah’ from Allah to human being.
2. No discrimination between male and female
- Be equality and justice with children
- They need a lot of patience from father and mother
- Mother must have “tough love”
3. The right to socialization and general care
4. Give education
- Parents should give education to the children.
- The education must include the religious, tradition and modern.
Selected Quatations.
"Whatever life shall bring your way, give your level the best everyday."
"The important thing in life is not what happend to you in the past, but what is going to happen to you in the future."
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Evidences from Qur’Én
1
11"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them as regards to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them.) [2:228].
You shall give the women their due dowries, equitably. If they willingly forfeit anything then you may accept it; it is rightfully yours. [4:4]
Also prohibited are the women who are already married, unless they flee their disbelieving husbands who are at war with you. These are God’s commandments to you. All other categories are permitted for you in marriage, so long as you pay them their due dowries. You shall maintain your morality, by not committing adultery. Thus, whomever you like among them, you shall pay them the dowry decreed for them. You commit no error by mutually agreeing to any adjustments to the dowry. GOD is Omniscient, Most Wise. [4:24]
But if they (wives) of themselves were pleased to give you a part of the dower, take it cheerfully. [4:4]
“Let him who has abundance spend out of his abundance, and he whose provision is measured, let him spend of that which Allah has given him. Allah asks the naught of any soul save that which He has given it. Allah will vouchsafe after hardship, ease. [65:7]
. “Your wives are a tillage to you, so go in to your tillage as you will, and send (ahead something) for your souls; and fear Allah and know that you will (one day) meet Him, and give glad tidings to the Believers.”[2:223]
The holy Quran says:
“And they ask thee (o’ Muhammad) about menstruation. Say: It is a hurt, so refrain from women during their menstruation and do not approach them until they are cleansed.” [2: 222]
-
““and st “and stay in your homes and do not display yourselves like the ways of the time of ignorance. And establish the prayer, pay the zakat and obey Allah and His Messenger”(Al-Ahzab:33)
“is the reward for good deeds extended anything other than good deeds (returned)”(Ar-Rahman: 60)
Evidences from Sunnah of The Prophet (r)
The Prophet SAW said:
“ the most grateful people to Allah blessed and High are the most thankful of them to others”
The Prophet SAW said:
“ Allah does not look at a woman who does not thank her husband while she can not do without him”
The Prophet SW also mentioned that:
“if a woman does not perform her duty as a spouse, she has not done her duty to Allah”.
The Prophet SAW stated that:
“ the best of your woman is one who perfumes herself, prepared food skillfully and would not over indulge in spending. Such a woman is one workforce of Allah and a person who works for Allah would never face either regret or defeat”.
:The Prophet SAW stated that:
"Were I to order a person to prostrate before another person, I would have ordered the women to prostrate before her husband".
The Prophet SAW stated that
"Were I to command a person to prostrate to other than Allah, I would have commanded the woman to prostrate to her husband. By the One in whose hand is Muhammad's soul, a woman would not fulfill her husband's right even if he were to ask herself while she is riding on a camel, she should not refuse."
:The Prophet SAW stated that:
"If a woman knew her husband's right, she would not sit while he is eating his dinner or supper until he finishes eating."
The Prophet SAW said:
"Whenever a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses his wife to come, the angels curse her until morning". Sahih Al-Bukhari.
The Prophet SAW said that:
"A woman may not fast, while her husband is present, except with his permission, except for month of Ramadhan, and she may not admit anyone to his house, while he is present, except with his permission, and whatever she spends of his earning, without his permission, he will surely get half of the reward".
Translation of Selected Arabic Terms
|
· ‘Idah (waiting period) ) · Mahr. (Dower) · Wajibat (Responsibilities) · Zauj (Husband) · Zaujah (Wife) · Haq (Right) · Nafaqah (Maintenance | · Muwaddah. ( Affection) · Nikah. (Marriage) · Qawwamah. (Protector) · Sakinah. (Tranquility) · Zawaj (Marriage) · Uswah. (Role Model) · Usrah (Family) |
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Questions for Comprehension
1.What are the rights of children towards their parent?
2.Identify the rights and responsibilities of spouses in marriage.
3.What do you understand by rights and responsibilities of parents in Islam.
4.Do you think that parents play an important role in educating their children?
5.Do you think that children also play an important responsibilities towards their parents?
6.Identify the rights of parents and children in Islam.
7 Analyze why rights and responsibilities are key factors to a successful marriage from Islamic perspective.
Selected Readings
· Al-Jibaly, Muhammad. (2000b). The Quest for Love & Mercy. Texas: Al-Kitaab & as-Sunnah Publishing
· Al-Jibaly, Muhammad. (2000c). Closer than a Garment. Texas: Al-Kitaab & as-Sunnah Publishing
· Dinkmeyer, Don. (1989). The Parent’s Handbook. American Guidance Services (AGS)
· Joslin, Karen Renshaw (1994). Positive Parenting from A-Z. Fawcett Columbine
· Lickona, Thomas (1994). Raising Good Children – From Birth through the Teenage Years. Bantam Books
· Mansor, Enon, (1988). Tranquil Hearts – A Guide to Marriage. Singapore: Majlis Ugama Islam Singapura & Muslim Converts’ Association of Singapore
· Pamela L Jordan et. al. (1999). Becoming Parents: How to Strengthen Your Marriage as Your Family Grows. San Francisco: Jossey Boss Publishing
