One of the greatest aims of marriage according to the laws of Allaah is so that affection and compassion may prevail between the spouses. This is the foundation on which married life should be built. Allaah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy." [al-Room 30:21]
al-Haafiz Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Affection means love, and compassion means kindness. A man keeps a woman either because he loves her or her because he feels compassion towards her because he has children from her.
Our advice to you is not to ignore the affection and compassion between spouses that Allaah has mentioned in this verse. Think about the Mothers of the Believers, and the womenfolk of the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them all), especially the role of Khadeejah (may Allaah be pleased with her) with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Try to make your family happy and you will see the effect of that in sha Allaah.
One of the greatest means of attaining happiness and cheerfulness is what was narrated from one of the righteous: Kindness is something easy: a cheerful face and a gentle word. So try to adopt this kindness towards your husband – until it becomes ingrained in you – and you will win his heart and make him be affectionate and compassionate towards you.
But before all that, and above all that, our Lord says (interpretation of the meaning):
"The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allaah orders the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend.
But none is granted it (the above quality) except those who are patient — and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of happiness in the Hereafter, i.e., Paradise and of a high moral character) in this world." [Fussilat 41:34-35]
Shaykh Ibn Sa'di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: i.e., Good deeds and acts of obedience that are done for the sake of Allaah cannot be equal to bad deeds and sins that earn His wrath and do not please Him. Kindness towards others cannot be equal to mistreatment of them. "Is there any reward for good other than good?." [al-Rahmaan 55:60]
Then He enjoins a specific type of kindness which has a great impact, which is kindness towards the one who treats you badly. He says: "Repel (the evil) with one which is better" i.e., if someone mistreats you, especially if he has great rights over you, such as relatives and friends and the like, and he mistreats you in word or in deed, then respond by treating him kindly. If he cuts off ties with you then uphold ties with him; if he wrongs you, forgive him; if he speaks against you, in your absence or in your presence, do not respond in kind, rather forgive him, and deal with him by speaking kindly; if he shuns you and does not speak to you, then speak nicely to him, and greet him with salaam. If you respond to mistreatment with kind treatment, that will do a great deal of good.
"then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend" i.e., as if he is close to you and a good friend.
"But none is granted it" i.e., this praiseworthy quality is not given to anyone "except those who are patient" and put up with what they dislike, and force themselves to do what Allaah loves, for souls are created with a natural inclination to respond to bad treatment in kind and not to forgive it, so how can they respond in a good manner?
If a person is patient and obeys the command of his Lord, and understands the great reward, and knows that responding in kind to the one who mistreats him will not achieve anything and will only make the enmity worse, and that treating him kindly will not cause him any humiliation, rather it will raise him in status, because the one who shows humility for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will raise him in status thereby, then the matter will become easy for him and he will do that with joy and pleasure.
"and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion" because this is a characteristic of the elite people, by means of which a person attains a high status in this world and in the Hereafter, which is one of the greatest and noblest of characteristics. End quote.
Tafseer al-Sa'di (549-550)
If all of this applies to the rights of people in general, then what about the rights of your wife? The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone else, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands, because of the rights that Allaah has given them over them." Narrated by Abu Dawood (2140) and al-Tirmidhi (1192); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (1203).
We have started by speaking to you, because you are the one who asked the question, and we think that you are more likely to listen and respond to our advice. If that means giving up some of your rights and forgiving the one who has wronged you, then there is nothing wrong with that. Who can say that giving up some of one's rights or forgiving some mistreatment is shameful or a shortcoming? Rather it is perfection.
Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (2588) from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Charity does not decrease wealth. No one forgives, but Allaah increases him in honour, and no one humbles himself before Allaah but Allaah raises him in status."
As for speaking to your husband or rebuking him, it is words of sincere advice and a rebuke from those who love good for him and fear for the bad consequences that he may face as a result of his actions; they want to warn him against obeying Iblees and making him happy, and disobeying and incurring the wrath of the Most Merciful, may He be exalted.
As for his obeying Ibleese, Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (2813) that Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Iblees places his throne over the water, then he sends out his troops, and the one who is closest in status to him is the one who causes the greatest amount of fitnah (tribulation or temptation). One of them comes and says, I have done such and such, and he says: 'You have not done anything.' Then one of them comes and says: 'I did not leave him until I separated him and his wife.' Then he draws him close to him and says: 'How good you are.'" Al-A'mash said: I think he said: "and he embraces him."
As for his incurring the wrath of the Most Merciful and disobeying Him, let him listen to what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Fear Allaah with regard to women, for you have taken them as a trust from Allaah, and intimacy with them has become permissible to you by the word of Allaah." Narrated by Muslim (1218)
Is this how you take a trust from Allaah, O slave of Allaah?!
Is this how you deal with the word of Allaah, O slave of Allaah?!
Is this how you respond to the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said: "I urge you to treat women well"? (narrated by al-Bukhaari (3331) and Muslim (1468))
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives." Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (3895) and Ibn Majaah (1977); classed as aheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
Or is this what living with them honourably means? Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "and live with them honourably." [al-Nisa' 4:19]
Is this what taking care of them means? The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler of the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his household and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband's house and children and is responsible for her flock. The slave is the shepherd of his master's wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock." Narrated by al-Bukhaari (893) and Muslim (1829)
Have you not heard what the great Sahaabi, 'Aa'idh ibn 'Amr (may Allaah be pleased with him) said when he entered upon 'Ubayd-Allaah ibn Ziyaad, the oppressive governor? The Sahaabi said to him: O my son, I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: "The worst of guardians are those who are cruel. Beware lest you be one of them." Narrated by Muslim (1830)
Are you not afraid that you may be one of them?
Have you never heard that everyone gets headaches sometimes.
We have never heard of anything stranger or weirder than this.
Or perhaps you need some proof? Listen to this, O slave of Allaah:
It was narrated that 'Aa'ishah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came back from al-Baqee' and I had a headache and was saying, Oh my head. He said, "Rather, I should say, Oh my head, O 'Aa'ishah." Narrated by Ibn Majaah (1465); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Takhreej al-Mishkaat (5970)
You should remember that when the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) died, 'Aa'ishah was eighteen years old, which means that when she complained of this headache she was younger than eighteen, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) believed her and treated her with compassion. 'Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) was asked: What did the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) do in his house? She said: He used to serve his family, then when the time for prayer came, he would go out to pray. Narrated by al-Bukhaari (676)
This is evidence if you need it, but we do not think that you need evidence. Rather you need to act. The way is ahead of you but you are not moving.
We have spoken to you at length, but if a person does not benefit from a little then he will not benefit from a lot.
You should think that you may be afflicted one day and you will need this weak woman to support you and look after your affairs. Would you like her to treat you as you are treating her?
Or would you like her to be better than you, and to believe you, although you did not believe her, and to support you, although you let her down, and to treat you kindly although you are treating her harshly, and to be forbearing towards you although you are treating her ignorantly.
By Allaah, even the sweeter of the two is bitter.
Choose for yourself the path of kindness. "Is there any reward for good other than good?" [al-Rahmaan 55:60]
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Monday, December 20, 2010
Family Relationship
Islam is a complete way of life. It considers the family the corner stone of Islamic society. It bases the atmosphere in the family on sacrifice, love, loyalty...
Islam is a complete way of life. It considers the family the corner stone of Islamic society. It bases the atmosphere in the family on sacrifice, love, loyalty, and obedience. When we say "family" we mean the traditional definition of it namely husband, wife and children. Grandparents are also part of the extended Muslim family.
It may be asked here: how does Islam organize family relationships? To answer this we have to concentrate on: husband wife relationship and parent children relationship. As for husband wife relationship the following verse portrays the right Islamic atmosphere:
"And among his signs is this: He created for you spouses from yourselves that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy." (30-21)
The Prophet of Islam p.b.u.h. also stressed these meanings when he said: The best among you are those who are best to their families and I am the best of you to my family. He once exclaimed: (it is only the evil one who abuses them (women) and the honored one is he who honors them). Once a man came to the Prophet p.b.u.h. and asked: who is the person who is most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet answered your mother, your mother, your mother then your father. That is why Islam made Paradise under the feet of mothers according to one tradition of the Prophet p.b.u.h.
If we contemplate the Quran we find that it refers to parents children relationships in four main places. Before it asks children to be good and loyal to their parents it requires parents to be extremely careful in upbringing their children. In other words it asks parents to do their duty before asking for their rights.
Let us contemplate the following verses of the Quran: In the chapter called Luqman (No.31) God says:
"And surely We gave Luqman wisdom saying Give thanks unto Allah; for whosoever gives thanks, he gives thanks for his soul. And whoever disbelieves, Allah is All-Independent, Worthy of Praise. And when Luqman said to his son while he was exhorting him: O my dear son! Ascribe no partners unto Allah. Lo! To ascribe partners (unto Him) is a tremendous wrong. And we have enjoined upon man to be careful of his parents, His mother bears him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years, so give thanks to Me and to your parents, for unto Me is the journeying. But if they strive with you to make you ascribe to Me as partner that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but deal with them nicely in the world and follow the path of him who repents to Me. Then unto Me will be your return, and I shall tell you of what you used to do."
The Quran then continues:
"O my son! Lo! Though it be but the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. For Allah is Subtle, Aware. O my son! Establish prayer, enjoin goodness, forbid iniquity and bear with patience whatever may befall you. For that is the steadfast heart of things. Turn not your cheek in scorn towards people, nor walk the earth with pretenses, for Allah loves not each braggart boaster. Be modest in your bearing and subdue your voice for Lo! The harshest of all voices is the voice of the ass" (31: 12-19).
These verses provide Muslim parents with the way they should bring up their children, unless they do so, they can expect rebellion and hatred from them; but the devoted parents have full right to what the following verses from chapter 17 enjoin. In this chapter called the Night Journey Allah (S.W.T) says:
"Your Lord has decreed that you worship non but Him, and that (you show) kindness to parents. Should one or both of them attain to old age with you, Say not "Fie'' unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word. And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little. Your Lord is best aware of what is in yourselves. If you are righteous, then Lo! He was ever forgiving unto those who turn unto Him" (17: 23-25).
These are the two main chapters of the Quran that decide and clearly depict the Islamic relationship between parents and their children. It is a relationship based as we see on belief in Allah (S.W.T), and feeling that He observes all what we do and that we are accountable to Him even in the bad breath that we may release against our parents when we are angry. Even this has to be controlled.
Let us remember, however, that it is only parents who do their duty, who deserve this honorable treatment of their children. That is why when a parent came to the Prophet p.b.u.h. and complained to him about the ingratitude of his son, the son said: He was ungrateful to me O Messenger of Allah, before I showed ingratitude to him. So the Prophet p.b.u.h. did not blame the son but disliked the attitude of his parent. This is a message to all parents.
The third place in the Holy Quran that refers to parents-children relationship is in chapter 46 called Al Ahqaf where Allah (S.W.T) says:
"And we have enjoined unto man kindness toward parents. His mother bears him with reluctance and delivers him with reluctance. His bearing and weaning are thirty months, till when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: My Lord! Arouse me that I may give thanks for the favour where with you have favoured me and my parents, and I may do right acceptable unto you. And be gracious unto me concerning my seed. I have turned unto you repentant and Lo! I am one of Muslims."
Concerning this type of children the Quran has the following comment: those are they from whom We accept the best of what they do, and We overlook their evil deeds among the owners of Paradise. This is the true promise, which they used to be promised (in the world).
The Quran then turns to the other category of children who are disbelievers and are as a result ungrateful to their parents. It declares:
"As for him who said to his parents: Fie upon you both! Do you threaten me that I shall be brought forth when generations before me have passed away! While they too cry unto Allah for help and say: Woe unto you! Believe! Lo! The promise of Allah is true. But he said: This is nothing but fables of the men of old."
Commenting on this attitude Allah (S.W.T) says:
"Such are those whom the Word concerning nations of Jinn and mankind which have passed away before has effect. Lo! They are the losers. And for each there will be degrees due to what they did; and He may recompense them in full for their deeds! And they will not be wronged." (46: 15-19).
The forth and last place in the Quran that refers to parents children relationship is what is mentioned briefly in chapter 29 that says:
"We have enjoined on man kindness to parents. And should they strive to make you join with Me that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do". (29:8).
This verse refers mainly to the unbelieving parents who still have the rights of obedience on their Muslim children unless they ask them to rebel against Allah (S.W.T). In this case they should not be obeyed, but doing good to them should continue regardless of the difference of religion.
In conclusion since the family is the corner stone of society, happiness and prosperity will only be achieved if parents as well as children are committed to the guidance of the Quran, the only guidance proved to be successful.
For in that case all will fulfill their duties and rights in the most satisfactory manner as we have seen earlier.
Islam is a complete way of life. It considers the family the corner stone of Islamic society. It bases the atmosphere in the family on sacrifice, love, loyalty, and obedience. When we say "family" we mean the traditional definition of it namely husband, wife and children. Grandparents are also part of the extended Muslim family.
It may be asked here: how does Islam organize family relationships? To answer this we have to concentrate on: husband wife relationship and parent children relationship. As for husband wife relationship the following verse portrays the right Islamic atmosphere:
"And among his signs is this: He created for you spouses from yourselves that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy." (30-21)
The Prophet of Islam p.b.u.h. also stressed these meanings when he said: The best among you are those who are best to their families and I am the best of you to my family. He once exclaimed: (it is only the evil one who abuses them (women) and the honored one is he who honors them). Once a man came to the Prophet p.b.u.h. and asked: who is the person who is most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet answered your mother, your mother, your mother then your father. That is why Islam made Paradise under the feet of mothers according to one tradition of the Prophet p.b.u.h.
If we contemplate the Quran we find that it refers to parents children relationships in four main places. Before it asks children to be good and loyal to their parents it requires parents to be extremely careful in upbringing their children. In other words it asks parents to do their duty before asking for their rights.
Let us contemplate the following verses of the Quran: In the chapter called Luqman (No.31) God says:
"And surely We gave Luqman wisdom saying Give thanks unto Allah; for whosoever gives thanks, he gives thanks for his soul. And whoever disbelieves, Allah is All-Independent, Worthy of Praise. And when Luqman said to his son while he was exhorting him: O my dear son! Ascribe no partners unto Allah. Lo! To ascribe partners (unto Him) is a tremendous wrong. And we have enjoined upon man to be careful of his parents, His mother bears him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years, so give thanks to Me and to your parents, for unto Me is the journeying. But if they strive with you to make you ascribe to Me as partner that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but deal with them nicely in the world and follow the path of him who repents to Me. Then unto Me will be your return, and I shall tell you of what you used to do."
The Quran then continues:
"O my son! Lo! Though it be but the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. For Allah is Subtle, Aware. O my son! Establish prayer, enjoin goodness, forbid iniquity and bear with patience whatever may befall you. For that is the steadfast heart of things. Turn not your cheek in scorn towards people, nor walk the earth with pretenses, for Allah loves not each braggart boaster. Be modest in your bearing and subdue your voice for Lo! The harshest of all voices is the voice of the ass" (31: 12-19).
These verses provide Muslim parents with the way they should bring up their children, unless they do so, they can expect rebellion and hatred from them; but the devoted parents have full right to what the following verses from chapter 17 enjoin. In this chapter called the Night Journey Allah (S.W.T) says:
"Your Lord has decreed that you worship non but Him, and that (you show) kindness to parents. Should one or both of them attain to old age with you, Say not "Fie'' unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word. And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little. Your Lord is best aware of what is in yourselves. If you are righteous, then Lo! He was ever forgiving unto those who turn unto Him" (17: 23-25).
These are the two main chapters of the Quran that decide and clearly depict the Islamic relationship between parents and their children. It is a relationship based as we see on belief in Allah (S.W.T), and feeling that He observes all what we do and that we are accountable to Him even in the bad breath that we may release against our parents when we are angry. Even this has to be controlled.
Let us remember, however, that it is only parents who do their duty, who deserve this honorable treatment of their children. That is why when a parent came to the Prophet p.b.u.h. and complained to him about the ingratitude of his son, the son said: He was ungrateful to me O Messenger of Allah, before I showed ingratitude to him. So the Prophet p.b.u.h. did not blame the son but disliked the attitude of his parent. This is a message to all parents.
The third place in the Holy Quran that refers to parents-children relationship is in chapter 46 called Al Ahqaf where Allah (S.W.T) says:
"And we have enjoined unto man kindness toward parents. His mother bears him with reluctance and delivers him with reluctance. His bearing and weaning are thirty months, till when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: My Lord! Arouse me that I may give thanks for the favour where with you have favoured me and my parents, and I may do right acceptable unto you. And be gracious unto me concerning my seed. I have turned unto you repentant and Lo! I am one of Muslims."
Concerning this type of children the Quran has the following comment: those are they from whom We accept the best of what they do, and We overlook their evil deeds among the owners of Paradise. This is the true promise, which they used to be promised (in the world).
The Quran then turns to the other category of children who are disbelievers and are as a result ungrateful to their parents. It declares:
"As for him who said to his parents: Fie upon you both! Do you threaten me that I shall be brought forth when generations before me have passed away! While they too cry unto Allah for help and say: Woe unto you! Believe! Lo! The promise of Allah is true. But he said: This is nothing but fables of the men of old."
Commenting on this attitude Allah (S.W.T) says:
"Such are those whom the Word concerning nations of Jinn and mankind which have passed away before has effect. Lo! They are the losers. And for each there will be degrees due to what they did; and He may recompense them in full for their deeds! And they will not be wronged." (46: 15-19).
The forth and last place in the Quran that refers to parents children relationship is what is mentioned briefly in chapter 29 that says:
"We have enjoined on man kindness to parents. And should they strive to make you join with Me that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do". (29:8).
This verse refers mainly to the unbelieving parents who still have the rights of obedience on their Muslim children unless they ask them to rebel against Allah (S.W.T). In this case they should not be obeyed, but doing good to them should continue regardless of the difference of religion.
In conclusion since the family is the corner stone of society, happiness and prosperity will only be achieved if parents as well as children are committed to the guidance of the Quran, the only guidance proved to be successful.
For in that case all will fulfill their duties and rights in the most satisfactory manner as we have seen earlier.
Establishing Islamic Family
When we look at the situation of the Muslims today, we can find many problems that affect their family life...
When we look at the situation of the Muslims today, we can find many problems that affect their family life. This situation is a very dangerous problem that may lead to destruction of the Muslim family.
The dangerous results of that destruction will not only affect the spouses, but will affect the whole family and the community in general. This could mean the destruction of society and the failure to transmit Islam to the next generation.
And we can attribute this problem to many causes. These are the most important:
First: Ignorance of many Muslims of what the Muslim family should be according to the Islamic Laws.
Second: The influence of desires, selfishness, and un-Islamic customs and traditions over the behaviors of the members of the family.
Third: Many Muslims don’t care and don’t take this issue seriously until they reach to the point of divorce, or close to it.
Imam Al-Ghazali, was a specialist in treatment of bad conducts, and he came to a conclusion, after long research and experience, that the treatment of all misbehavior among the people will not come only by wishes, but by the use of medicine formed from two ingredients. The first one is knowledge and the second is the implementation of that knowledge. If either of these two are missing, this problem will not be cured. He also added that because the taste of most medicines is sour, the people don’t use it. Or if they use it, they will not complete the dosage. And who does not have enough patience to use the sour medicine, he will not reach the sweetness of the cure.
Today, we will start learning about the family in Islam:
Family is a small unit that consists of the husband and the wife, along with any children they may have. The husband and the wife are the fundamental unit of the family, and they play an important part in building, organizing and taking care of the family from the beginning to the end.
The society is made up of groups of families. So the families are the units of which the society consists. If these units are healthy and strong, the society will be healthy and strong. If these units are sick and weak, the society will be sick and weak.
From this we can understand the great interest and concern that Islam has in the family. That interest is genuine, unlike that which is represented by people running for office. During the voting seasons they use slogans and raise banners in political campaigns about the family for their own benefit. But later, when it is time to put that family issue into reality, all this interest is gone. We know many examples of this practice today.
The interest of Islam in the family is evident in the meticulous, comprehensive, system that runs the affairs of the family. This system starts even before the family is established through marriage, and continues after marriage. It clarifies all the diving rules and guidelines that clearly map out the rights, duties, and responsibilities of every individual in the family (parents and children).
When we say that the rules and guidelines are divine, we should understand the following:
1- The source is the divine revelation: Qur'an and the authentic Sunnah of the Prophet Mohammed (S.A.W.).
2- These divine rules are the correct and can not be false or have mistakes.
3- These divine rules are for all people and address all their needs.
4- They are fixed and cannot be changed or altered because of time and place.
Submitting to these rules and guidelines is obligatory without any hesitation even if they contradict with people's desires, minds or customs and traditions.
Not submitting to these rules and regulations and not implementing them is haram or forbidden. This rejection of Allah's laws, even part of them, leads to misguidance, sorrow, hardship in this life, and regret, loss and punishment on the Day of Judgment. Allah (S.W.T.) says in Surat Ta’ha, (Verses 124-126), what can be translated as, "But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (the Qur’an) verily, for him is a life of hardship, and We shall raise him up blind on the Day of Resurrection. He will say: "O my Lord! Why have you raised me up blind, while I had sight before." Allah will say: " Like this Our Ayat (verses) came unto you but you disregarded them, and so this day, you will be neglected (from Allah’s Mercy.)"
I will try to present briefly the system of the family in Islam so that it will remind us and teach us how to correct our mistakes in our family life. So that our families will be Islamic ones, that please Allah, and we will be happy and successful in this life, and in the Hereafter.
Islam made the family one unit in the chain of units. This family relationship is self-collaborating, mutually coordinating, loving and merciful. These relationships do not know selfishness, oppression or hard feelings. It does not know arrogance, showing off, carelessness or aloofness, nor oppression, physical or emotional.
This view of Islam for the family is coming from the fundamental concepts that Qur'an presented for the family:
First: Qur'an puts in the mind of the spouses, the understand that the male and female are necessary for each other, and that they complement each other in their very existence. So it says to the man: The woman is a vital part of you, and one cannot live without a vital part. It also says to the woman: You came from a man, and he is your origin, and you cannot go on without your origin. The Qur'an says, in Surat Al-A`raf, (Verse 189), what can be translated as, "It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and then He has created from him his wife (Eve).
Second: The Qur'an clarifies that the normal marital life is a life of unity between the spouses. Even though they are two entities, they are in reality one unit in everything; in emotions, feelings, and sleeping place. And they are unified when working for the present and when working for their hope of the future. Allah (S.W.T.) describes the nature of the marital life, in Surat Al-Baqarah, (Verse 187), what can be translated as, "They are Libas (clothes) (i.e. body cover, or screen or sakan), for you, and you are the same from them."
Imam Al-Qurtubi says, in interpreting these words: Wearing is established with clothing, and mingling of two spouses with each other is called clothing because they join together and mingle with each other and stick by each other just like clothes on the body.
Third: Qur'an emphasizes that this special unity between the spouses is one of the great signs of Allah (S.W.T.) and a blessing from his great blessings. Allah (S.W.T.) says in Surat Ar-room, (Verse 21), what can be translated as, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect." Imam Ash-Shawkaani, in interpreting this verse, clarifies the nature of this special relationship between the two spouses. He says, "…that you may find rest in them…" means to feel comfortable with and be attracted to. One cannot feel comfortable but with the other and does not get attracted to anyone but to the other. "…And He has put between you mawadah and rahmah." means deep love and mercy because of marriage so that one will feel sympathetic with the other without any previous knowing of each other, or love or mercy between you; indeed a great sign from Allah!
When we look at the situation of the Muslims today, we can find many problems that affect their family life. This situation is a very dangerous problem that may lead to destruction of the Muslim family.
The dangerous results of that destruction will not only affect the spouses, but will affect the whole family and the community in general. This could mean the destruction of society and the failure to transmit Islam to the next generation.
And we can attribute this problem to many causes. These are the most important:
First: Ignorance of many Muslims of what the Muslim family should be according to the Islamic Laws.
Second: The influence of desires, selfishness, and un-Islamic customs and traditions over the behaviors of the members of the family.
Third: Many Muslims don’t care and don’t take this issue seriously until they reach to the point of divorce, or close to it.
Imam Al-Ghazali, was a specialist in treatment of bad conducts, and he came to a conclusion, after long research and experience, that the treatment of all misbehavior among the people will not come only by wishes, but by the use of medicine formed from two ingredients. The first one is knowledge and the second is the implementation of that knowledge. If either of these two are missing, this problem will not be cured. He also added that because the taste of most medicines is sour, the people don’t use it. Or if they use it, they will not complete the dosage. And who does not have enough patience to use the sour medicine, he will not reach the sweetness of the cure.
Today, we will start learning about the family in Islam:
Family is a small unit that consists of the husband and the wife, along with any children they may have. The husband and the wife are the fundamental unit of the family, and they play an important part in building, organizing and taking care of the family from the beginning to the end.
The society is made up of groups of families. So the families are the units of which the society consists. If these units are healthy and strong, the society will be healthy and strong. If these units are sick and weak, the society will be sick and weak.
From this we can understand the great interest and concern that Islam has in the family. That interest is genuine, unlike that which is represented by people running for office. During the voting seasons they use slogans and raise banners in political campaigns about the family for their own benefit. But later, when it is time to put that family issue into reality, all this interest is gone. We know many examples of this practice today.
The interest of Islam in the family is evident in the meticulous, comprehensive, system that runs the affairs of the family. This system starts even before the family is established through marriage, and continues after marriage. It clarifies all the diving rules and guidelines that clearly map out the rights, duties, and responsibilities of every individual in the family (parents and children).
When we say that the rules and guidelines are divine, we should understand the following:
1- The source is the divine revelation: Qur'an and the authentic Sunnah of the Prophet Mohammed (S.A.W.).
2- These divine rules are the correct and can not be false or have mistakes.
3- These divine rules are for all people and address all their needs.
4- They are fixed and cannot be changed or altered because of time and place.
Submitting to these rules and guidelines is obligatory without any hesitation even if they contradict with people's desires, minds or customs and traditions.
Not submitting to these rules and regulations and not implementing them is haram or forbidden. This rejection of Allah's laws, even part of them, leads to misguidance, sorrow, hardship in this life, and regret, loss and punishment on the Day of Judgment. Allah (S.W.T.) says in Surat Ta’ha, (Verses 124-126), what can be translated as, "But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (the Qur’an) verily, for him is a life of hardship, and We shall raise him up blind on the Day of Resurrection. He will say: "O my Lord! Why have you raised me up blind, while I had sight before." Allah will say: " Like this Our Ayat (verses) came unto you but you disregarded them, and so this day, you will be neglected (from Allah’s Mercy.)"
I will try to present briefly the system of the family in Islam so that it will remind us and teach us how to correct our mistakes in our family life. So that our families will be Islamic ones, that please Allah, and we will be happy and successful in this life, and in the Hereafter.
Islam made the family one unit in the chain of units. This family relationship is self-collaborating, mutually coordinating, loving and merciful. These relationships do not know selfishness, oppression or hard feelings. It does not know arrogance, showing off, carelessness or aloofness, nor oppression, physical or emotional.
This view of Islam for the family is coming from the fundamental concepts that Qur'an presented for the family:
First: Qur'an puts in the mind of the spouses, the understand that the male and female are necessary for each other, and that they complement each other in their very existence. So it says to the man: The woman is a vital part of you, and one cannot live without a vital part. It also says to the woman: You came from a man, and he is your origin, and you cannot go on without your origin. The Qur'an says, in Surat Al-A`raf, (Verse 189), what can be translated as, "It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and then He has created from him his wife (Eve).
Second: The Qur'an clarifies that the normal marital life is a life of unity between the spouses. Even though they are two entities, they are in reality one unit in everything; in emotions, feelings, and sleeping place. And they are unified when working for the present and when working for their hope of the future. Allah (S.W.T.) describes the nature of the marital life, in Surat Al-Baqarah, (Verse 187), what can be translated as, "They are Libas (clothes) (i.e. body cover, or screen or sakan), for you, and you are the same from them."
Imam Al-Qurtubi says, in interpreting these words: Wearing is established with clothing, and mingling of two spouses with each other is called clothing because they join together and mingle with each other and stick by each other just like clothes on the body.
Third: Qur'an emphasizes that this special unity between the spouses is one of the great signs of Allah (S.W.T.) and a blessing from his great blessings. Allah (S.W.T.) says in Surat Ar-room, (Verse 21), what can be translated as, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect." Imam Ash-Shawkaani, in interpreting this verse, clarifies the nature of this special relationship between the two spouses. He says, "…that you may find rest in them…" means to feel comfortable with and be attracted to. One cannot feel comfortable but with the other and does not get attracted to anyone but to the other. "…And He has put between you mawadah and rahmah." means deep love and mercy because of marriage so that one will feel sympathetic with the other without any previous knowing of each other, or love or mercy between you; indeed a great sign from Allah!
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